Book review.

Make Change That Lasts - By Dr Rangan Chaterjee

Sunday Times bestselling author Dr Rangan Chatterjee reveals how to make positive change that actually lasts in his latest, most innovative book to date.

Such a great teaching resource.

Page 16 introduces the idea of 'Minimal Reliance' - great for explaining why we can sometimes feel 'out of control', anxious and dependent, rather than independent.

'If you follow the advice in these pages, you will achieve a state of freedom and inner power I call 'Minimal Reliance' (Dr Rangan Chatterjee).

My question would be: what are you reliant upon in order for you to feel 'in control'?

You can buy it here.

Book Review

The Dot - By Peter Reynolds

This book changed the way I taught in the classroom and how I parented at home.

It tells the story beautifully of a little girl who doesn't think she's 'good enough' - one of the most common (in fact THE most common) limiting beliefs that can stop our thinking and send us off track.

Perfect for demonstrating how to replace such limiting beliefs with more empowering ones.

And Tony Robbins' phrase:  'Trade expectation for appreciation' springs to mind.

If you would like help learning how to coach away these limiting beliefs, please don't hesitate to contact me.

You can buy it here.

Podcast to share

Professor Steve Peters - High Performance

There are 3 very powerful messages to teach children and young adults from this podcast.

1)  Of all the bits of advice Steve Peters could choose to give, he is asked to select one.  His answer was:  Know who you are;

2) When faced with someone struggling to manage their emotions - his re-assuring wisdom of 'it is normal to feel this way, given this situation';

3) A helpful one liner when we are feeling uneasy - ask 'Does it really matter at the end of the day?'

Question:

Are we missing the obvious?

When our needs are not being met, we will go elsewhere and meet them one way or another.

How do we behave when we feel out of control, no choices, bored, can't see the purpose; when others hold the power and judge, demand, comment publicly, don't listen, don't have time for us?  When we don't know who to trust, when people talk about us?  Not valued?

In schools we are seeing children not wanting to attend; teachers leaving; headteachers committing suicide or being signed off work; youngsters labelling themselves with 'conditions' (I have anxiety/anger/mental health issues); wearing armour - nails, lashes, designer bags and trainers, hoodies, carrying weapons; dependent on inanimate objects like phones and vapes; needing a fantasy world of gaming to escape into - dark, closed off, where they are in control of their own handset......Is that Covid, the digital world.....fear of climate change?

Or is it actually that they spend 5 days a week in our education system trying to thrive/survive?

More on needs!

Make your own mind up from these two lists.

Are these needs being met in schools? 

Do our children and teachers and leaders FEEL like they have genuine choice and control (and therefore certainty to remove fear and feel empowered)?

Human Needs: (Source: Tony Robbins)

1. Certainty;
2. Significance;
3. Love and connection;
4. Variety;
5. Contribution;
6. Growth.

Ordinary Needs: (Source: Inclusive Solutions)

1. Being somebody; 
2. Contributing by sharing gifts and capacities;
3. Knowing people and having relationships;
4. Having choice and control;
5. Sharing ordinary places - being present in local spaces and having a valued role there.

More on needs!

True stories:

Ben's Story:  Hiding in Plain Sight

If a choice we make (helpful/unhelpful, healthy/unhealthy) meets just two of our human needs (see previous blog), we can be satisfied and even become addicted.  3 - for sure.

The question then is - does our decision work for us in the long run/is it sustainable?  Are there unhelpful consequences further down the line?

Ben moved to 6th Form College to study A Levels.  No one else from his secondary school came with him to this college.  In the first few days he felt uncertain, insignificant and unconnected.  Everyone else appeared to be in 'already formed' friendship groups (assumption).  To disguise the fact that he was alone, he walked round and round and round the college on his phone every day.  He then felt connected, significant and more certain.  

In the short term, his strategy worked.  In the longer term, he left college because he hadn't managed to connect with any other students and was miserable.

More on needs!

True stories:

Jolie's story: On the Spot

Jolie is in Year 7 at Secondary School.  Popular teaching strategies are in place to encourage students to fully engage - on the spot questions and time to think. 

Jolie has assumptions about what people might think of her when she answers questions.  Jolie feels uncertain, disconnected and insignificant.

Jolie's strategy?  Become anxious and overwhelmed (consciously and subconsciously) to avoid going into class, pursue diagnosis of special needs to ensure she is supported in challenging situations.  Now she feels more certain, more connected (to adults outside class) and significant (she has a special diagnosis).  Short term - worked.

Possible long term consequences: she loses motivation (bright student), feels even more disconnected from peers, misses lots of learning and loses the opportunity to grow and contribute (higher level needs that create a feeling of fulfilment).

The Best Bits

'From the mouths of babes!'

What are the children enjoying most about the thinking workshops?

1. Hearing other people's thoughts;
2. Not being judged or interrupted;
3. Having their brain explained in more detail;
4. Being treated like adults;
5. Doing things for themselves and being given time to do that well - even simple things like getting themselves and their chairs into a circle without being told how!;
6. Explaining what happens in their mind sometimes;
7. Being told some 'truths of life' eg, not everyone will like you, no matter how hard you try!

What do I notice most?  Having been a teacher for so many years?  

The magic that happens when they take charge, are given time and 100% attention.

They actually look shell-shocked when they first realise what's happening :)