Attention

This is attention at a whole new level.  The sole purpose of the coach is to give 100% attention, 100% of the time.  As soon as we get the slightest hint that someone isn't listening, our thinking is compromised.  Even if it looks like they are listening - they may be thinking about what they are going to say when you stop; or thinking about something of their own; or reacting too much to things you are sharing eg, a laugh, a smile, a frown, a grimace.  Our brains will stop thinking independently at this point and start making assumptions eg, are they bored, what do they think of what I'm saying, how rude.....and so it goes on. 

100% attention, 100% of the time.  That is the promise.

I had never experienced this kind of attention before - it was breathtaking.

Equality

The moment we interrupt somebody, we have abandoned any feeling of equality because we are basically assuming that whatever it is that we have to say, matters more. 

It's hard to hear.....but the findings suggest that this is true. 

Test it - notice how often you are interrupted, or you interrupt others.  Notice if, when someone has spoken, you then add your own opinion or story onto theirs.  I thought this was just conversation but I soon learned that, whether it's conversation or not, it stops someone's thinking in its tracks.

The way a thinking session is set up - the thinker knows that they will NOT be interrupted either during or after the thinking session, only appreciated, and this is 'the promise that changes everything' for the brain and the way it works.   

Ease

How often do we feel totally at ease?  And by that, I don't just mean comfortable.  I mean a deep sense of inner peace and security in who we are and how we show up in any given situation.

Skim through these '10 components' and imagine all of them present, all of the time.

Think about school/college/work days, where we are under pressure to get results and where the general assumption is that we should be 'busy and purposeful all of the time'.  And then think how that follows us home into our relationships.  Paste that into the digital world we live in 24/7......

A thinking session will help you to experience a feeling of ease....you may never want to leave.

Appreciation

This component isn't a fluffy thing. 

At the end of each 'think' the listener will appreciate in one word a quality that they have heard running throughout.  It might be courage, determination, kindness, honesty, vulnerability, intelligence, humour. 

There is a very practical reason for this and it is particularly powerful with children and young adults - our brains like it - and go on thinking independently long after the session has finished.  It encourages and it empowers.

It is also something that spills into life outside the think - appreciating ourself and appreciating others.  Brain fuel.

Feelings

Nancy Kline explains this best:

'I've seen and heard a lot of feeling in my listening life.  And I have yet to see anything but good come from it.  It seems only to heal and to allow the mind to work less impeded.  Unexpressed emotion, on the other hand, seems to block thought and health.  So I am unbothered when people cry or say how angry or scared they are.  I am pleased, actually'.  

Again - the greatest freedom.  That a thinker can just be free to be themselves and express themselves without fear of reaction or judgement; in fact....only encouragement, because of the certainty that it will help them to think better.

You can imagine what a relief this is to children and young adults! 

Encouragement

Encouragement 'gives courage'.

In a thinking session, maybe it is just enough encouragement for the listener to keep thinking independently and 'owning' what happens in terms of timings, content and questions.

Maybe it just looks like welcoming eyes and a warm smile, sitting still - not too close, not too faraway.  

The listener's responses could quite easily steer the thinker away from the direction their own independent thinking was taking them.  Places they may never have been before!

The role of the listener is critical - less is more.....SO much more!

Information

This is what I love about this kind of coaching. 

It does not offer advice or guidance or pass opinion because it is encouraging independence, rather than dependence on an 'expert'.  BUT there is this component of information that the thinker can use to move their thinking on.

Sometimes our brains like to hear from others.

At any point in the thinking session, the thinker can ask the listener a specific question, or for any information/experience they may have on any particular subject.  They can take what is helpful to them from that.  Their choice.

Very empowering and also brings ease and equality - never more so than with children and young adults.

Difference

In Nancy's words: 'How much difference can you stand?'

It is one thing to be at ease with difference on the surface - what about when it comes to people who think differently to us?

Our brains need to know that no matter how different thoughts may be from one person to the next, we can express them and 'the promise' will remain - we will be listened to attentively, encouraged and not interrupted or judged.  The moment we suspect judgement, or make assumptions - whether that be as a thinker or a listener, the nature of our thinking and the quality of our listening changes.

We are safe in this environment because the focus is not on 'stuff', it is on thinking.  It is not about rights and wrongs....it is about 'what is our truest thinking and is it serving us?'

Incisive Questions

The genius of these questions never ceases to amaze me.  Reducing the complex to the simple.

'What do you want to think about and what are your thoughts?'

'What more do you think, feel or want to say?'

'Anything more?'

'If you knew.......'

Because all '10 components' are present when asked, our brains just seem to say 'off we go' and do what they do best.  Any blocks, barriers and assumptions collected over a lifetime are 'outed' by more incisive questions - and the effect is literally transformative.

Place

So many aspects to this. 

Yes it is the physical space - privacy, lighting, temperature, position of chairs, location, sounds, smells, online or face-to-face.  All those things. 

Also, are you in a 'good place'?  Tiredness, hunger, a busy schedule can all get in the way.

But this also refers to the listener.  

I still remember my first experience of a 'thinking environment'.  I remember everything about it.  I was at ease in the physical space, ready to think, but most of all I knew I mattered and I felt fully myself.  THAT was down to my thinking partner gifting me the '10 Components'.